25 of the World's Thinnest Books

Today we were like hipsters. Thin and ironic. Perhaps I should explain further...

Currently, my kids are chest-deep in some pretty heavy narrative writing. The natives were getting restless, so today I decided to let them step away from their memoirs to play around. This "quick" write turned into a day of laughter, wit, and irony that we all greatly needed.

"A thin book is a book the author has no authority to write or that is an oxymoron. It's thin because there's nothing to put in it. Come up with 10 titles for books that would have to be thin."

Below are 25 of my favorites from the day. Enjoy!

How to Hit Puberty by Justin Bieber

How to be Social by Boo Radley

Rick Ross's Healthy Cookbook

Natural Beauty by K. Kardashian

Emergency Exits by the crew of the Titanic

Freeing Slaves 101 by Joseph Kony

How to Dress Casually by Lady Gaga

Loving People by Jaws

How to Teach Math by Ms. P

Taking Life Seriously by Buddy the Elf

How to Keep a Girl Safe by Chris Brown

World Peace by Al-Qaeda

10 Tips to Be Tan by Edward Cullen

A Happy Place by Satan

How to Keep a Shirt On by Taylor Lautner

A Guide to Crying by James Bond

How to Grow a Full Mustache by Hitler

Dressing to Please the Lord by Christina Aguilera

Get over your Break Up by Bella Swan

Drama-Free Household by the Kardashians

Intelligence by Mike (The Situation)

Days of the Week by Rebecca Black

What to do When There’s a Terrorist on your Plane by Osama bin Laden

The Bright Side of Life by E. A. Poe

How to Be a Responsible Mom by the cast of MTV’s 16 and Pregnant

Yours truly,

Ms. P

Bonus points? Contribute to our list of thin books in the comments section.

Get This Kid a Book Deal, 2: Ghost Town-

I never let my kids write fiction in class.  Perhaps it's a personal hang up. I know all my adolescent experiments in fiction were filled with stereotypes and cop-outs like "And then I woke up. It was all a dream." 

But they beg and beg. So this week, I finally gave in...a bit. We've attempted spurts of fiction. For example, when working on describing setting, I gave them the following prompt:

"A group of teens are exploring dark woods when they stumble upon an abandoned village."

Here are some of their sentences:

"The trees in the woods looked like skinny arms grabbing for lost visitors."

"The grass acted as spikes on the ground, protecting the land from intruders."

"The woods were so dark, it was as if God forgot to turn on the lights."

(Another variation of this one was, "It was so dark that it was as if someone had forgotten to pay the light bill.")

"The dark clouds swirled above them like moths as they stared at the abandoned village."

"The radiant moonlight skimmed over their heads like flashlights in the trees."

"The animals were as terrified as two-year-olds at the dentist."

"You could almost hear the forgotten hum of the villagers."

They make the hard work of original writing look so effortless. 

Basically, I issued up the fiction challenge, and they responded with a, "Ain't no thang, lady."

Yet again, they prove me wrong. Each day, they show me how very little adults, like myself, truly understand about their capabilities.

Slack-jawed,

Ms. P

Damn Good Sentence Contest, Part 2

I debuted the Damn Good Sentence Contest on Monday. It's a bit of a competition where you vote for your favorite one of my students' sentences in the comment section OR on facebook.

Sentences that make you say "Then What?!"

1) I walked out of the room feeling confident that today was going to be easy, but if that was true, then turtles hunt bears with ray guns.

2) Two fatal gunshots rang out.

3) Right before I opened my mouth for disapproval, his furious, hungry scissors ate away at my hair like a parasite.

4) Uncertain, I started to creep forward, but with all my best efforts I still couldn’t help from snapping a few dried up twigs. 

5) I would rather give The Count the wrong number of the day. I’d rather be lactose intolerant and try the gallon milk challenge than be by this kid. I would rather watch Glee. I’d rather clean a gas station bathroom. I would rather staple my eyes shut and run around busy streets.

Pick your favorite. I know mine.

Damn Good Sentence Contest, Part 1

If you are reading this entry, consider yourself a judge. 

A judge in the "Damn Good Sentence" contest. It starts today, ends on Saturday, and will come in 3 waves. All sentences were pulled from my students' personal narratives. 

Today is the Most Cleverly Descriptive Contest. Wednesday will be the Most Suspenseful Contest. Friday will be the Most Quietly Brilliant Contest.

You have 3 votes. One in each category. Use them wisely, and leave them in the comment section. Voting will be closed on Saturday evening. 

MOST CLEVERLY DESCRIPTIVE: Choose one.

1) My elbow. It looked like an antelope freshly punctured by a lioness.

2) “Go, go, go!” my coach said, wagging his hand like a dog’s tail.

3) I watched as the drops of blood were pulled and stretched into bands in the dirty tub water.

4) She had snipped and snipped so much until she made two gigantic triangles that looked like the pyramids of Giza. Apparently she had been studying geometry, because she not only made those triangles but also a square on one sideburn and a circle on the other.

5) We were heading to the door like a train about to run off the tracks, except there was no Superman there to help us.

6) There were low branches that hung thin curtains of leaves over the rushing water and the silent rocks that held many secrets. Squirrels tangoed through the trees in rhythm.

7) It was a dust bunny with golden glitter eyes - from St. Patrick’s Day when we were covered with it by leprechauns during nap time - and one shiny staple for a mouth.

8) My brother’s long, brown hair flopped around like a bloodhound’s ears when it finds a rabbit.

Vote or die,

Ms. P