25 of the World's Thinnest Books

Today we were like hipsters. Thin and ironic. Perhaps I should explain further...

Currently, my kids are chest-deep in some pretty heavy narrative writing. The natives were getting restless, so today I decided to let them step away from their memoirs to play around. This "quick" write turned into a day of laughter, wit, and irony that we all greatly needed.

"A thin book is a book the author has no authority to write or that is an oxymoron. It's thin because there's nothing to put in it. Come up with 10 titles for books that would have to be thin."

Below are 25 of my favorites from the day. Enjoy!

How to Hit Puberty by Justin Bieber

How to be Social by Boo Radley

Rick Ross's Healthy Cookbook

Natural Beauty by K. Kardashian

Emergency Exits by the crew of the Titanic

Freeing Slaves 101 by Joseph Kony

How to Dress Casually by Lady Gaga

Loving People by Jaws

How to Teach Math by Ms. P

Taking Life Seriously by Buddy the Elf

How to Keep a Girl Safe by Chris Brown

World Peace by Al-Qaeda

10 Tips to Be Tan by Edward Cullen

A Happy Place by Satan

How to Keep a Shirt On by Taylor Lautner

A Guide to Crying by James Bond

How to Grow a Full Mustache by Hitler

Dressing to Please the Lord by Christina Aguilera

Get over your Break Up by Bella Swan

Drama-Free Household by the Kardashians

Intelligence by Mike (The Situation)

Days of the Week by Rebecca Black

What to do When There’s a Terrorist on your Plane by Osama bin Laden

The Bright Side of Life by E. A. Poe

How to Be a Responsible Mom by the cast of MTV’s 16 and Pregnant

Yours truly,

Ms. P

Bonus points? Contribute to our list of thin books in the comments section.

The Right Reverend Redneck

I teach writing. It has it’s ups and downs. Pro: Their humorous moments as authors, both intended and not. Con: Grading 154 student essays several times in one semester, especially in this season of Bieber Fever. Trust.

However, in the midst of love letters to Mr. JB thinly veiled as the assigned narrative essay, I occasionally stumble upon a gem worth all my efforts. Such was the case when I assigned “An Informative Essay in the Classifying Voice.” (Just makes you want to whip out a pen and start scribbling away, doesn’t it!) 

Here’s another life lesson: You can make middle schoolers want to write anything, including the aforementioned essay, if you introduce it with a mentor text* that’s about boogers. 

(Sorry, Mom!) But that’s another story for another day.

Anyway, the following piece was born out of that assignment:

And if, “they love sports as much as Paula Deen loves her deep fryer,” left you hankering for more middle school similes, don’t you worry your pretty little head. They are coming your way very soon. Stay tuned!

Daughter of a Preacher Man,

Ms. P

*mentor text: teacher jargon for a piece of writing you introduce to students that they are supposed to model or mimic. Don’t say I never taught you anything!