Poaching Snails

As a teacher, I receive boatload of Christmas presents from my students; however, each one is memorable in its own way. Perhaps because of it's practicality - dry erase markers, gallons of hand sanitizer, copy paper. Seriously, we teachers love this stuff. Perhaps because of its comedic value - anti-wrinkle cream (I'm 24, people.), deodorant, a bottle opener - yes, all actual gifts this year.

Oftentimes, the stand-out gifts make me wonder how my students describe me to their parents.

"Well, mom, my English teacher is an aging alcoholic with a body odor problem and an affinity for germ-killing substances."

Perfect.

My favorite gifts, oftentimes, are handmade by the students.  For instance, Mr. Potato Head wrote me a children's book for Christmas. It was entertaining, which was no surprise given his previous writing. So gather round, readers. It's STORY TIME!

The Lonely Cheetah by Mr. Potato Head

Story time's over as soon as it began kiddos, but feel free to continue the discussion of today's book for extra credit.

Possible discussion questions:

1) What text-to-self connections can you draw from The Lonely Cheetah?

2) Do you think The Lonely Cheetah is an allegory? If not, is it because you can't remember can an allegory is?

3) Do you think the cheetah's position as an outcast allowed him to live outside society's norms? If so, do you think that's why he perceived the poacher's flavor to be bacon-y? Elaborate.

Six degrees of Kevin Baconce

I’ve learned a lot about my dialect while teaching. For instance, I once dictated a sentence to my 7^th graders that included the word “literally”. I got back all sorts of bloggy fodder. Leaderally. Leeterully. Leeduruhlly. Reinventing the wheel, I tell you. But today, one student took the cake.

During our class spelling bee, I asked each student to fold a clean sheet of paper “hotdog style” and write his guess for each word in one column. Then, he was to write the correct spelling the remaining column.

I called out…..

va·can·cy 

n. pl. va·can·cies 

1. The condition of being vacant or unoccupied.

2. An empty or unoccupied space.

3. A position, office, or place of accommodation that is unfilled or unoccupied.

4. Emptiness of mind; inanity.

And I received…..

BACONCE.

In his defense, it was first period, and he is the child who often bums a granola bar off me. Furthermore, he’s known to go to great lengths to convince his classmates to bring socks to donate to the homeless after a donut party was offered to the class with the largest contribution. Perhaps he was hungry?

One strategy I often teach them in class is – If you can’t go over it, go around it. If you know spelling isn’t your strong suit, there are always synonyms for those tricky words. 

So a note to Mister Baconce: If you ever own a hotel, sweet spelling-challenged dear, may I suggest you avoid a Vacancy sign altogether? Perhaps, you might look into “Empty Beds,” “More Cockroaches than Clients,” or “We’re Desperate,” signs. GO AROUND IT.

Spellbound,

Ms. P