How students are like hostages and bar patrons

Sometimes chuckling at a little irreverent teaching advice is the only thing that can get me through a day of A+ adversity.

"Just yell at your students... Not that they are in trouble, but they are hostages... Beat them with knowledge."

-said by my brilliant friend Bess, who is student teaching, plays in a washboard band, and has a daddy that resembles Mr. Miyagi...a lot

"After lunch the clock moves much slowly than our students do. Your class begins to remind you of a bar full of little drunk people: They want constant attention and often don’t realize how loud they are talking. They have short attention spans; rarely think of the consequences of their actions; and, as you will find out tomorrow, they don’t always remember what happened the day before.” 

-From the brilliant book, "See Me After Class: Advice for Teachers by Teachers" by Roxanna Elden

Cheekily yours,

Ms. P

Conflicting Feelings of Nyeeehh

Lately, my students have been writing persuasive essays on these topics. While they've been doing an incredible job writing persuasive anecdotes to sprinkle throughout their arguments, they have had trouble stating their opinions with conviction. 


For instance, I've gotten a lot of sentences that start like this:


"It's possible that..."
"One might think..."
"It could happen..."
"I can't promise..."

I want to scream the famous (within my family at least) line from the Brady Bunch, "SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, GREG BRADY!"

Why are they afraid to write with conviction? If they're not convinced, their readers will never be. Luckily, people exist who are more eloquent than me. One of them is Taylor Mali.  

Poet and Teacher Taylor Mali

If you are a teacher, a poet, a thinker, a breather, he and his words are going to be your new best friends. He wrote an incredible poem entitled, "Totally, Like, Whatever" that beautifully illustrates the point that I want to make to my students about using convicting language. 

Watch it here:





Typography from Ronnie Bruce on Vimeo.


Perhaps, watching and discussing this video tomorrow will help us eliminate those invisible question marks, ya know? Hopefully, his words will encourage them (and me!) to be, like, personally invested in our own opinions.


And if that doesn't work, then I'm going to have to hang this poster on my classroom door. I am SO not above it.

I would be remiss if, as a teacher blogger,  I did not direct you to Taylor's most notorious poem "What Teachers Make." You can watch it below. His words and delivery will have you laughing appreciatively and nodding in agreement. 

"Be honest. What do you make?"

And I wish he hadn't done that 

(asked me to be honest) 

because, you see, I have a policy 

about honesty and ass-kicking: 

if you ask for it, I have to let you have it.

If you are a teacher and happen upon a down day, watch this and get rejuvenated. Take account of all the important things you do that cannot be measured or quantified.

Power to the poets,

Ms. P

Drunk Ladies and Expired Licenses

The kids were funny today. Really funny. 

Exhibit A: Pre-writing for persuasive essays

Student 1: Ms. P, can we start persuasive essays with a short narrative that makes a point?

Me: Sounds like a pretty good idea. Use your creative license.

Student 2: (mutters) Mine expired last month.

Exhibit B: Working on similes

Me: I'll write the beginning of a simile, and you write the end. Okay, let's see...."The endless dripping noise was as irritating as...."

Student: ....a drunk lady at a golf tournament!

He does have a point.

All Hot and Bothered

We're gettin' all political up in Ms. P's class this week. We're starting persuasive essays. The only problem is EVERYONE keeps catching the flu. 

But that is a(whole)nother tale. I've spent my last few days brainstorming what hot topics will get them talking. What do they care about enough to generate an essay that's chock full of their personality? What will make them spirited enough to cause spontaneous researching?

Here are the 12 topics they can choose from with mentor essays for them to peruse:

1) Are standardized tests valuable?

2) Should adults be able to ban books from school libraries?

3) Should those charged with animal cruelty face harsher penalties than they do presently? (a current local debate)

4) Should the United States continue to fully fund NASA?

5) Is spanking an appropriate punishment for children?

6) Should fast food restaurants have to post nutritional information for their meals on the menu?

7) Is graffiti art? Should graffiti artists be harshly penalized?

8) Some cities have proposed bans on sagging pants. Is this fair?

9) Does having a Facebook account negatively or positively affect your academic life?

10) How should Major League Baseball deal with steroid use, particularly with respect to the Hall of Fame?

11) Do adults praise and encourage your generation too much? Does this affect your ability to accept criticism?

12) Does texting affect your academic life? How?

Just in case, I posted this on the board....

"The views stated in these essays do not necessarily reflect the the views of Ms. P or our school district."

A girl has to cover all her bases.

Now it's your turn to answer the questions:

1) Which one of these 12 issues is most interesting to you?

2) Which one of these do you care the least about?

From the Mouths of Babes

Today, my students got to be celebrity writers as part of the publishing party for our personal narratives. I got the idea to interview them from here.

Here is the interview sheet that I created. 

(Teachers, if you want this, I will email you a pdf version of it for free.)

When I planned this lesson, the main goal was for them to began to identify as writers. But, as always, they surprised me. As I reviewed the responses, I realized that I was gobbling up their "advice to young writers on writing." It was so enlightening. This is what I love so much about middle schoolers. Just when you think they aren't listening, they will shock you with their insight. 

"19 Bits of Advice for Writers"

By: Ms. P's 7th Graders

1) ”Just write. Don’t let people tell you that you will never be a writer, you’re too young, or you’re way too undetailed (sic). You can do anything.”

2) ”Just think of something exciting or something that you’re into and just write what you can and remember to write something that makes you want to keep writing.”

3) ”Never give up on writing, and writing won’t give up on you.”

4) ”Just write about anything on your mind. Don’t worry if it is ‘crappy’.”

5) ”Never give in - just write down what comes to mind. Then if you’ve found something you like, go on that.”

6) ”Be inspired...be an inspiration.”

7) "Always write about something you remember very well.”

8) "When you write, you should put emotion in it because if you are writing about that subject you have a reason you’re writing about it, so put emotion in it.”

9) ”When you have an idea, don’t wait before you write it. Write it down somewhere before you forget all the details.”

10) ”When you like writing, keep writing. It helps you bring out your thoughts.”

11) “Writing helps you please your emotions. Writing helps you bring out your inner feelings.”

12) ”In your life, you may think there’s nothing to write about. All you need to do is think about that little things that matter to you. You are the author. You are the only one the story has to please.”

13) ”You first piece will not be your best. Don’t give up.”

14) ”Write what your heart speaks.”

15) ”Be yourself. Don’t try and be a different person when writing. If you’re a nerd, be a nerd! If you’re shy, be shy! If you’re enthusiastic, be enthusiastic.”

16) ”No matter what people may think, write.”

17) ”Don’t be afraid to write just the truth.”

18) ”I once read in a book to ‘catch fireflies.’ Write down everything you think of, even if it’s stupid. Then making it yours is fun.”

19) ”If you feel it needs to be on paper, then put it there. No matter what anyone thinks.”

Taking notes from these guys,
Ms. P

We love you, Miss Hannigan.

Well hello, my little pig droppings. Let me tell you, some days of teaching are particularly trying. Don't get me wrong. I love my 154 children, but sometimes their hormones get the best of them. And me.

On days when I've been plagued with that especially contagious strain of middle-school girl drama, I de-stress on the way home from work by screeching out my best Ms. Hannigan impression, particularly the Carol Burnett Ms. Hannigan. And specifically, the song "Little Girls."

Some women are dripping with diamonds.

Some women are dripping with pearls. 

Lucky me! Lucky me! 

Look at what I'm dripping with- 

Little girls.

I'd have cracked 

Years ago 

If it weren't for 

My sense of humor.

Some day I'll land in the nut house 

With all the nuts and the squirrels 

There I'll stay 

tucked away

Until the prohibition of 

Little girls. 

I highly recommend it for stress relief. If your car is fresh out of bathtub gin, you can always pretend like your smart phone is a flask. By the time your commute is over, you will have exorcised all your internal demons and be ready to face the world again.

Mentoring under Ms. Burnett,
Ms. P

The Right Reverend Redneck

I teach writing. It has it’s ups and downs. Pro: Their humorous moments as authors, both intended and not. Con: Grading 154 student essays several times in one semester, especially in this season of Bieber Fever. Trust.

However, in the midst of love letters to Mr. JB thinly veiled as the assigned narrative essay, I occasionally stumble upon a gem worth all my efforts. Such was the case when I assigned “An Informative Essay in the Classifying Voice.” (Just makes you want to whip out a pen and start scribbling away, doesn’t it!) 

Here’s another life lesson: You can make middle schoolers want to write anything, including the aforementioned essay, if you introduce it with a mentor text* that’s about boogers. 

(Sorry, Mom!) But that’s another story for another day.

Anyway, the following piece was born out of that assignment:

And if, “they love sports as much as Paula Deen loves her deep fryer,” left you hankering for more middle school similes, don’t you worry your pretty little head. They are coming your way very soon. Stay tuned!

Daughter of a Preacher Man,

Ms. P

*mentor text: teacher jargon for a piece of writing you introduce to students that they are supposed to model or mimic. Don’t say I never taught you anything! 

Six degrees of Kevin Baconce

I’ve learned a lot about my dialect while teaching. For instance, I once dictated a sentence to my 7^th graders that included the word “literally”. I got back all sorts of bloggy fodder. Leaderally. Leeterully. Leeduruhlly. Reinventing the wheel, I tell you. But today, one student took the cake.

During our class spelling bee, I asked each student to fold a clean sheet of paper “hotdog style” and write his guess for each word in one column. Then, he was to write the correct spelling the remaining column.

I called out…..

va·can·cy 

n. pl. va·can·cies 

1. The condition of being vacant or unoccupied.

2. An empty or unoccupied space.

3. A position, office, or place of accommodation that is unfilled or unoccupied.

4. Emptiness of mind; inanity.

And I received…..

BACONCE.

In his defense, it was first period, and he is the child who often bums a granola bar off me. Furthermore, he’s known to go to great lengths to convince his classmates to bring socks to donate to the homeless after a donut party was offered to the class with the largest contribution. Perhaps he was hungry?

One strategy I often teach them in class is – If you can’t go over it, go around it. If you know spelling isn’t your strong suit, there are always synonyms for those tricky words. 

So a note to Mister Baconce: If you ever own a hotel, sweet spelling-challenged dear, may I suggest you avoid a Vacancy sign altogether? Perhaps, you might look into “Empty Beds,” “More Cockroaches than Clients,” or “We’re Desperate,” signs. GO AROUND IT.

Spellbound,

Ms. P